Bean put his arms around her. Not because he felt any personal need to do it, but because he knew she needed that gesture from him. Living with a family for a year had not given him the full complement of normal human emotional responses, but at least it had made him more aware of what they ought to be. And he did have one normal reaction -- he felt a little guilty that he could only fake what Mother needed, instead of having it come from the heart. But such gestures never came from the heart, for Bean. It was a language he had learned too late for it to come naturally to him. He would always speak the language of the heart with an awkward foreign accent. --Orson Scott Card, Shadow of the Hegemon

Right now, I totally empathize with this passage and it fucking sucks. I don't know how long it will take for me to feel that I belong in this world, or if I ever will. In fact, I am reminded of another quote,

"... News had always suspected that people who regularly used the word 'community' were using it in a very specific sense that excluded him and everyone he knew." --Terry Pratchett, Good Omens

This, I've suspected has been truer for longer than I've been cognizant. I dont ever recall being an accepted part of a 'community'. Now, I can function reasonably well as part of one. I can mix and chat and appear like I am having fun but I don't feel one with them. Not with nerd groups, not with religious groups, not with atheist organizations. Although, I don't do too badly in any of them. In fact, I remember being quite surprised at some point when I learned that not everybody feels this way. That there are people who seamlessly fit into communities. I thought this thing would get solved as I got older and well, it has significantly improved, but, for the moment, it seems I've hit a plateau and its depressing.